But before I can start….

Let me start off by saying I do not consider ADD/ADHD to be a “disorder” for many people including myself. I believe it is a personality type and super power found in many of the most highly successful people. Yes, it needs to be managed at times and how one chooses to do that is a personal decision. I personally don’t take meds and have always been able to manage the negatives to being this type of personality on my own but I do not judge anyone else’s approach.

That said…The only reason I’m writing this blog right now is because I am NOT managed at the moment. I can’t wrap my brain around dealing with the mountain of paperwork and calls sitting in front of me. And its about to hit critical mass. Because one of the sometimes positive, sometimes negative traits that often tags along with ADD/ADHD is perfectionism. If I can’t do it all and do it exactly right, I will do nothing. I know MANY of you can relate. So I figured if I’m going to indulge my inability to focus on my tasks at hand, I may as well share my all too common struggle.

That little comic (found at https://fortuitoushousewife.com) is funny to me because in what has now been a weeks long flare up of stress induced ADD inability to focus, the overflowing laundry basket has been my excuse to procrastinate. No no… I didn’t use doing laundry as a distraction from doing paperwork. I used my inability to do the laundry as a way out of everything. Because not enough room for my workout clothes, so too many boots, but hats, this doesn’t fit, purses are not lined up, 1 flip flop under the bed… “I can’t work in this chaos! I’m taking the dog to the beach.” AND another day of avoiding everything. Well my amazing boyfriend cleaned the bedroom, reorganized and even decorated a little last night. MY CHAOS EXCUSE IS GONE!!! I’m left with the obvious fact that since I can’t “shut down” and not make calls, because the room is messy, my brain is now desperately searching for a new distraction. So here I am.

List writing and staying organized is how I keep on track when I’m so easily distracted. And when I’m good, I am really good! UNTIL that list can’t be completed. Non perfectionists can just move the unfinished items to tomorrow’s list. Not me. The unfinished list in my head is FAILURE. I can’t fail. I need everything perfect… So then I stop writing the list because when uncompleted, it causes too much anxiety. Its better to not see my failures all right there on a list. But now I’ve forgotten a couple things that needed to get done… More slipping…More failure… More need to distract… You see where this is going. That is where I am now.

The fact is the list never actually gets completed. Life is an endless to-do list and we have to be ok with that, fellow perfectionists! Waiting to start stuff until we can finish it exactly right is just avoidance, dumb fear of failure and a deep rooted fear of taking risks and not being able to control the outcome. Which is always an interesting thing in us ADD/ADHD types because we also often lack impulse control and are known risk takers… Oh the human brain…

So I’m going to wrap this up and as I think about that, I feel my anxiety rising because I can’t keep distracting myself. ~sigh~ No more excuses… The dreaded list will be written today. My goal will be to find a way to forgive myself and let it go when everything on it is not crossed off. Sounds silly and easy to most I’m sure. But to those that can relate to this ADD/perfectionism struggle? They know how difficult this is…